My feelings this past Mother's Day were mixed. On one hand I so desperately wanted people to remember that I am and will always be a mother. On the other hand I think there is nothing more cruel than not having my daughter here to celebrate the holiday with me.
It's complicated...
I wanted people to call me but I did not want them to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. I just wanted to know that they remembered. For some reason Mother's Day is the only holiday through out the whole year that I actually want to celebrate. Yet, I do not want to be around other mother's and their children on this day. Every other holiday means nothing because I cannot celebrate it with Malaysia.
But Mother's Day....
It is a day to celebrate that I created a beautiful baby girl even if she was taken too soon. A day to remember that I AM a mother even if I cannot hold her. A day to be grateful that I get to feel the greatest love and bond that I will ever feel in my life even if it is coupled with the strongest grief.
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| Love, Malaysia |
