Halloween

Malaysia May's one and only Halloween costume

This year I anticipated that October would be a hard month for me. It is one of my favorite months of the year and I had already planned out what Malaysia May's costume would be this Halloween a whole year in advance. I wanted to make visiting the local pumpkin patch a family tradition for my little family of three. Last year when I was pregnant on Halloween I ordered a skeleton shirt off of etsy.com that had a baby girl skeleton with a pink bow. It reminds me a lot of Malaysia's ultrasound because she was smiling in her ultrasound picture. Little did I know when I wore our tandem costume that it would be Malaysia's first and last Halloween costume. I had planned on Malaysia wearing a lion costume this Halloween because I always found animal costumes for babies to be simply adorable.
Furthermore, her entire wardrobe is full of cute girly girl outfits and I figured she would have plenty of chances to be a princess for Halloween. I pictured Malaysia on my hip in her lion costume as I answered our front door and handed out candy.

Upon her passing, I knew that all holidays for the next several years would be hard to celebrate without her here with me. This year I do not feel like celebrating ANYTHING; what is there really to celebrate, the most important thing to me was taken from me. My plan for this Halloween was to avoid all signs of little kids in costumes and trick-or-treating because I did not need another reminder of what I would be missing out on with my baby girl.

I work at a non-profit agency for children with disabilities and very young children often come to my job for behavioral, occupational and speech therapy. I did not think that there was any way of avoiding see children in costumes at my job on Halloween. However I was very lucky, I did not see any kids come in for therapy that day. It was a big sigh of relief for me. After successfully making it through work my next obstacle was making it through the night. I stayed home with my husband and we ordered a pizza for pickup. When the pizza was ready for pick up I instantly went into panic mode. I did not want to get into my car because of my fear of seeing children walking down our street trick-or-treating. I made it to the Italian restaurant to pick up our pizza with the help of my husband. To my surprise there were not a lot of trick-or-treaters out. I made it through the night and only seen one trick-or-treater in our neighborhood the whole night.