Since losing my beautiful baby girl Malaysia May Drummer on February 12,2014 I have been obsessing over what I could have done differently to save my princess. The doctors could not give me an explanation for why my baby girl died when I was 38 weeks pregnant. Her cord was wrapped around her neck but the doctor assured me that it was not the cause of her death. I refuse to accept that bad things just happen. I feel like a failure as a mom because I did not save my baby. My one job was to protect her and I failed. I'm thinking that my daughter must have lost oxygen because of cord compression. And I feel like this is something that I could have prevented. I was replaying my sleeping positions around the time she died and I slept on my back for a very short period which I normally tried not to do. If I would have just tried to sleep on my left side then my arteries would have had better blood flow and Malaysia would have had more oxygen. I did yoga throughout my pregnancy so maybe I did a position that increased the compression on the cord. I also feel guilty for not keeping better track of her movements. I should have tracked them every day but I did not realize the importance of it. I noticed that my baby was not moving and so I went on line and found out that it was normal for babies to move less later in pregnancy. So I did not worry. That was so stupid of me. I should have called my doctor and asked her instead of going based off of what I read on the internet. I could have saved her. I should have saved her. I should have tracked her movements for two hours and then called the hospital. My doctor tried to assure me that by then it would probably have been to late. I refuse to believe that there was nothing that I could have done to save my baby girl. I feel so helpless. I just want my baby girl back.
Originally Posted on 03/27/14, 11:04 am
Originally Posted at:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Stillbirth/forum/18561713-my-faulti-did
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